Yet Each Man Kills the Thing He Loves
by ChoCedric
Summary: AU. On Halloween 1981, James and little Harry were both killed. A grief-stricken Lily is taken back to Riddle Manor and faces the man who was once her best friend. Severus Snape is forced to make a heartwrenching decision. Tearjerker.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Yet Each Man Kills the Thing He Loves

By: ChoCedric

The world was shattered.

The world was doomed.

The world had smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

And Severus Snape had been a witness.

As the Dark Lord Voldemort levitated a screaming, hysterical, struggling Lily Evans out of the quaint little cottage in Godric's Hollow that she'd shared with her little family, he felt numb, dazed. How many times had he wished for his enemy, James Potter, to be out of the picture? And now it had finally happened.

But as he watched Lily struggle, he didn't feel vindicated, he didn't feel satisfied, like he always imagined he would. Instead, he felt completely the opposite as he watched the woman he loved more than life itself break apart. And it was the most horrible sight he'd ever seen.

As they continued to walk, Severus's mind flew over the night's events. The Dark Lord had told him, in a jubilant, sinister voice, that Wormtail had informed him of the Potters' whereabouts, and he had asked Severus to go with him to their cottage in Godric's Hollow. He'd been the only Death Eater with him, for the Dark Lord had told him that this was his reward for his service, to finally see his enemies eliminated, and to have the Mudblood all to himself after James and Harry were out of the way.

When they'd arrived, a fierce duel had broken out between James and the Dark Lord. Snape could only watch as Potter, the one who had made his life a living hell all through his schooling, was finally made to feel helpless, vulnerable, defeated, and alone. He'd never forget the look on his face as Voldemort finally murdered him, the life gone from his hazel eyes forever. The moment was absolutely nothing like Severus had imagined.

As soon as James's body had hit the floor with a sickening thud, he'd heard a horrific scream from upstairs, and he'd felt bile rise into his throat, for it was Lily who had uttered that scream. Even though Snape could never understand how Lily had grown to love that arrogant toerag, the sound of her heart shattering at his death had sent him reeling.

Voldemort had then callously stepped over James's lifeless body and beckoned for Severus to go upstairs with him. In Harry's nursery, they found Lily weeping, standing protectively over Harry's crib. She had screamed for mercy, shouted for Voldemort to take her life instead of Harry's, and Severus had never dreamed he'd ever hear her sound so raw and broken.

"I do not grant any mercy," Voldemort had snarled, and then placed a full body-bind curse on Lily, preventing her from being able to do anything to protect Harry.

A tumultuous torrent of emotions had flooded through Snape at that moment. Seeing Lily like this caused his heart to jolt, and for one wild moment, he considered raising his wand to the Dark Lord, stopping the attack from going forward, just to preserve her happiness. However, another part of him knew that he had to let it continue because this was the only way, the only way he wouldn't wind up getting himself killed by the Dark Lord, and Harry would die anyway. With the murder of the child of the prophecy came the loss of all hope, but a glimmer of it still was left if Severus could keep his spying duties and continue to report to Dumbledore. If he himself died, a lot less lives could be saved.

So he'd watched, seeing the paralysing fear and helplessness in Lily's emerald eyes as Voldemort stood right in front of Harry and cast Avada Kedavra. The little boy had gone limp in his crib, never to move again.

And when Voldemort released the spell on Lily, the woman had let out the most earth-shattering scream, a scream that could probably have been heard from miles away. She'd lunged at Voldemort, the look in her eyes like a savage, wild animal. Her baby was dead, her husband was dead, her whole world was gone.

But Voldemort, with a casual flick of his wand, had levitated Lily off the ground, and made her float downstairs. Then, he'd also levitated James's body off the ground and dangled him in front of Lily to taunt her. Potter had looked like a rag doll, and Lily's screams, ear-piercing and heartbreaking, had continued, making Severus's ears ring. Voldemort's cackles of raucous laughter had not helped the throbbing pain that had started to develop in his head.

At that moment, the three of them got past the wards that had been set up around Godric's Hollow, and Voldemort grabbed Lily, holding the struggling woman to him violently. Lily kicked at him, punched at him, but it was no use. Voldemort, seeming not to even use any effort, Disapparated, leaving Severus to Disapparate a moment later.

And then, they were at Riddle Manor. Voldemort once again cast Wingardium Leviosa, and before they knew it, they were in the house.

"Take her, Severus," Voldemort then uttered, taking the spell off of Lily and causing her to crash unceremoniously to the ground. "Do what you want with the filthy Mudblood. It doesn't concern me. This is my gift to you, to reward you for your faithful service. The child of the prophecy is dead; it is your doing that now I am victorious."

"Thank you, my Lord," Snape said, keeping his facial expression stony and his voice controlled.

This time, he was the one to pick up Lily in his arms. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screamed, fighting feverishly to get out of his grip.

Severus quickly cast a body-bind spell that made her go rigid in his grasp. He carried her to one of the unused rooms in the manor, putting her on the floor and taking the spell off her.

And once he did, all Lily's grief, her fury, her hatred, was unleashed upon the man who had unknowingly and unwillingly torn her life to pieces. Another bloodcurdling shriek left her lips as she rushed at him, hitting him for all she was worth, tears streaming down her face. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" she screamed. "YOU MURDERED MY FAMILY! I HATE YOU!"

And Severus didn't even fight back. All the scheming he'd done, all the plots to get revenge on Potter and his spawn didn't seem worth it now in the face of Lily's grief. But he couldn't help the tidal wave of anger that roiled in his gut. Why was Lily so upset over that arrogant bastard of a husband of hers, anyway? Couldn't she see that Severus had loved her, loved her more than Potter ever had? To see her getting so upset over the death of another man filled him with rage, and jealousy consumed him as she screamed and screamed about "her family, her family."

And in that moment, he let his feelings get the best of him. Grabbing Lily's arm roughly, he shouted, "You're pathetic, Lily! That man was nothing but an arrogant fool, good riddance is what I say!"

At this, Lily shrieked, "SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MURDERER! I HATE YOU!" She lay on the floor, her legs kicking in a spastic rhythm, her broken screams resonating through Riddle Manor.

Severus reeled back, horror filling his entire being. Merlin, no! What did I just say? he thought, detesting himself more and more with each tear that fell down Lily's cheek and every obscene word that left her lips. It was just like in their fifth year, when Severus, shattered and humiliated beyond belief, had called her a Mudblood. God, what does this woman do to me? he thought as nausea rolled over him. Why do I always lose control when she's around? Why do I push her away when all I ever needed in this world was her love?

"I'm sorry," Snape cried, but wasn't sure if she could hear him over her sobs. He lay next to her, reaching out to hold her in his arms but her fists railed against him once again. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

She'd gone insane. Witnessing Harry's death right before her eyes and not being able to do anything about it had been her breaking point. This wasn't the Lily he knew, this broken shell of a person lying on the floor howling like someone who needed to be deeply medicated. This wasn't the young girl who had befriended him, the girl who had made flowers open and close with her magic, the girl who had flown off the swings, her emerald eyes shining, her beautiful, glowing smile warm and radiant. That Lily was gone. And he knew she would never return.

And a few minutes later, all the fight went out of her. She stopped struggling against Snape and just let him hold her, racking sobs still shaking her body, James and Harry's names being repeated over and over again along with a mantra of "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't protect you, I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry ..."

Face it, Snape, he thought morosely as he stroked her hair, and she continued to shake uncontrollably in his arms. She never loved you. She was in love with another man and had a son with him, and they were her whole world. There was no room for you in there. Just face it, Snape. She never returned your feelings. Just accept it.

After what seemed like an age, Lily's sobs finally subsided. And after she was finished, she just continued to lie there, not moving. Her breathing was ragged and her emerald eyes were no longer lively and filled with joy. Instead, they were dull, broken. She was gone. She was shattered. She was not his best friend Lily anymore.

And Severus then knew what he had to do. He'd known all night, but had tried not to think about it. He knew that getting her out of here, them both escaping, was impossible. And he knew he could never hurt her on the Dark Lord's orders or allow any of his other followers to break her more than she was broken already. As much as he loved her, wanted to take her for his own, he knew he couldn't have her now. The dreams he'd had of taking her away, of drying her tears, of convincing her that Potter hadn't been worth it, of watching her fall into his arms, had just been dreams. And thinking of them now made him feel sickened. After all, if you loved someone, weren't you supposed to be happy for them even if they loved someone else and didn't love you back? He'd been a selfish bastard; her happiness hadn't mattered to him as long as she could have been his. But now he realized his enormous mistake.

There was only one way, one way to be sure of her happiness, only one way to make sure the Dark Lord and his followers didn't use her like a toy. How had it come to this? he thought bitterly as he gazed into the eyes that had once held hope for the future but were now filled with nothing but despair.

As he continued to stare at her, he felt the love for her that he'd had since his adolescence overwhelm him. He knew he was about to do the hardest and most terrible thing he'd ever done yet, but he knew in his heart that it had to be done. He couldn't watch Lily descend into darkness every single day. It would be one of the greatest sacrifices he'd ever had to make, doing the one thing that would reunite her with the man he'd loathed for eternity and the son they'd created together. But love, he reflected, was a powerful motivator, and he knew that she knew he loved her. Despite her struggles, she'd known that he wasn't going to torture her, to hurt her.

Lily sat up then, and so did Severus. She looked at him with sorrow on her face, and he knew that she knew what he was about to do. He tried to delay the inevitable by staring into her eyes, but knew there was very little time. Sooner or later the Dark Lord would come knocking and would want to do horrific things to her, and he'd surely let his followers have some fun, with Snape among them.

"Sev," Lily whimpered softly, and Snape's heart constricted at the sound of the nickname. "You were once my best friend. I don't know how ... but I know how you feel about me. I assure you, making sure my husband and son were killed was not a good way to get into my good graces ..." She let out a choked sound that was between a laugh and a sob. "But please, if you still care ... Sev, this world's already in ruins. Please, set me free ... I need to be with my family."

Snape felt his heart break at the words "my family" being uttered again, for he wished that the words referred to a son he had created with her himself. But knowing this was the only way this whole night could end, his resolve remained firm. He would do the one thing that would prove to her that he loved her with everything he had.

Slowly, he pulled out his wand, and as he pointed it at Lily's heart, their eyes locked for the last time. "James, Harry, I'm coming," she whispered. "And I'm sorry, Sev."

"Me, too." Snape nodded as he continued to look at the only woman he would ever love. "Avada Kedavra."

Many witches and wizards thought that the killing curse could only be fuelled by hatred and anger, but they were wrong. It could work with other emotions too, as long as they were powerful. And in Severus's case, he used the one emotion he'd felt for her ever since she'd once slipped her hand into his and vowed that they'd be best friends for always: love.

The green light sailed towards Lily but she never once looked away from him. "Thank you, Sev." were the last words she ever spoke.

And as it impacted, Snape saw the light leave her emerald eyes forever. He gently caught her in his arms before she could collapse.

And then, as so everus held Lily's lifeless body to his chest and looked into her silent, grateful face, he did the one thing he'd sworn never to do again: he wept.

Author's Note: I don't know what's gotten into me lately, I'm just in the mood for writing really emotional, tearjerker fics. Please give me feedback, I'm dying to know what you think of this. I firmly believe that this is what would have happened if events had played out this way; as much as Severus Snape had his faults, I can definitely see him saving Lily from the torture of living in Riddle Manor, and him feeling that this was the only way to do it, and also to reunite her with her family. Thank you so much for reading and have a wonderful day. Maybe you should go read a happy fic now, after this one!


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